insomaniac!!!

im hungry and i cant sleep... seriously, i think i will be insomaniac due to lack of sleep and huge load of work and food craving.
SLEEP: since i work with adorable Beris and her grandson James at Majestic Centre, i cant sleep at night. which is weird as exhaustion leads to sleepiness. i am exhausted after doing all work but i cant sleep. waegurreseyo? what is wrong with my body ?
WORK: its a nice place to work, a lot of wealthy gentleman and gentlelady to eye on. the way they dress is killing me... gosh so prim and proper and high class too. i wish i had heaps of money like them. they are very kind to the worker(me) and not being racist despite the fact that im wearing headscarf to work. instead they had been constantly asking about it and commenting on how nice it look on me (hahahaha) the pay is good and i think it will be enough to support me (hurm habis gak duit aku sbb BERSATU GAME ngan mkn kat luar).
FOOD CRAVING: im not hungry... na mido! but i cant stop eating... my stomach growl like mad wolf every three hours... since im not sleeping at night my stomach will growl and growl which force me to go down and search franticly for something to eat. up to one point where i ate plain rice with dash of salt and carrot. owh i also had pickled chili. then i decide that this should stop. its not healthy to eat bap/chilji early in the morning (1-4 am). so i change the menu. i bought hup seng and griffin biscuit and whenever it growls i shut it up with 1 pot of tea and 6 biscuits. that should silence it for a while. hehehe such a genius.... dont you think so? ahhh here it goes again... shhhh i will feed u some biscuits...
HEALTH: i can feel every part of my body scream of pain... i sprained my ankle last 2 weeks and it is still swollen and hurt like hell. my back aches bcoz of all work that i did, my neck hurt for unknown reason ( might be because of my new habit~ cracking my neck) and my heart hurts huhuhu....


ahhh ill edit this later.

What went wrong?

have you ever feels that you have done your best, try 99 times like Thomas Edison, put all your heart in it, and contribute more than 100 percent of hard work on one particular event or thing? when you are walking towards the end, closer to the finishing line where someone is holding the result. You hold up your breath, crossing your fingers and put your hope way up high. Why?. simply because you trusts that you had done beyond the best that you could and the result should be great or at least equivalent to what you had contributed. then you arrives at the finishing line and your hope crashed, shattered just like that. you start to wonder. what went wrong? is it not enough? where goes all my hard work? am i not putting enough heart in it? tonnes of self-feedbacks questions had been asked. after a moment of depressing thought, you start to reassure yourself. its okay! Kancana-yo! this is just a beginning. you are now walking towards the successful life of your own. you have not achieve the Thomas Edison level yet. you have not create your own light bulb. not yet and you will one day!. you give yourself a pat on your back. Again you hold your self up, giving it all, start doing it early with extra push and committed with it. on the day you arrive at finishing line again... depress does conquer. the same result. What went wrong? the only question come to your mind. your motivation gradually degrading and you had a weird thought of seeking help from a councellor or motivator. all of sudden you saw your friends result. she's better than you despite the fact that she's doing a very last minute work and doesn't do a lot of research like you did. a pang of jealousy hit right in your heart. your friend become so small and you feels like ripping her brain off. what went wrong? why she is better than me? she doesn't even try hard. you give another try and same situation arise. what went wrong? you scream out of devastation. tears started to well up and slowly trickle down the brink of your eyes which later turns into a flood. you need someone. someone you can borrow their shoulder and pour everything out. however no one is there to lend you their shoulder. instead you feels like people are judging you, talking behind you back and telling that you are not working hard. you are somehow afraid to face the reality. afraid that you will be a loser. a big fat loser. now your motivation is going down again but it drags your self esteem too. together they are like Titanic sinking into the deep blue sea. now you are hapless.
praying hard for miracle to happen, hoping the result will somehow better...