KKKYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

i love ...
I love it...

owh yeah my fav month

AUGUST!!!!!!!!!

love it like it....


and


start you wishlist

NOW!!

~~~alone in the rain~~~

ticking of clock in empty room
noise of the rain kissing the roof
wearing that coat for the first time
in a while
a ring in the pocket
memory seeps through the fingers
coming out into Seoul's night
it's been some days
puddle becomes a small mirror
in that i stumble along
because it hurts
without you
i'm like a chair with an odd leg
umbrella that was small for two of us
that seemed like an island in a cold world
it's now too big and awkward
my left shoulder always used to be drenched
burdened by memory
i drop my head
there
Shoelaces are undone as if they're chucked away
but there's only rain and wind around
no one to hold the umbrella up for me
and I cry~~~
my ankles start to sink in the rain
my eyes start to sink in tears
i once held back
i cry~~~
you are an umbrella over my head
night with cold rain dripping on my shoulder
you being beside me became a habit of mine
i can't go on without you
alone in the rain
puddles of heaven's tears on the ground
moon that shines through star covering clouds
lonesome noises from shoes along the alley
i turned around
anxious
it was only an echo of mine
shadow that looked just like myself
we couldnt see each other
us
Are we separated, at last?
I draw an answer
drawing in mind
and the answer, I smudge them
Umbrella that was too big in my eyes
that unfolded from the world that made me cry
that blossomed with everlasting promise
now
it's torn up above two broken hearts
you'd never be there even if i turn around
my hand would be deep in my pockets
wherever i freely walk around
my cheeks
will soak up too easily
even in a drizzle
i've opened up
the door to my heart
you are an umbrella above my head
your shadow is my shade
you are an umbrella above my head
as you are no longer beside me
you used to wait outside my window
with an umbrella
i Cry
you being beside me
became a habit of mine
i cant go on without you
alone in the rain
I need you back in my life
without you beside me
the world is only a half
you cant go on without me
forever in the rain

CLOCK

the hand of a clock winds towards the right
people walks forwards
just because you wind the hands to the left
walk backwards....
doesn't make the things that happened in the past return
even knowing that
just once~~
i try winding the hand to the left
try walking backwards

even knowing that it's futile....

false alarm

my body is sending a false alarm to my brain every 3 hours!!!!!

it says "eat! you are so skinny. its winter u need lots of fat to keep u warm. eat please eat!!!"

hahahahah today i didnt eat any breakfast. therefore my brain receive another false alarm saying that i need to double up what i eat during lunch. being so naive, i agree with what my brain received, so i eat curry mee (someone belanja me coz me win the bet) and rice with chicken rendang and tiramisu cake. gosh no wonder you r so damn skinny!!!

decided not to edit the last post

hehehe... change my mind again... hurm today is Queen's borthday, so i get 1 paid holiday. it is not fun lying around and not going to work. i love work. working to me is like a candy... look hard but it will sweeten your life. hhaahaa... what is more sweeter than having your own money that going into your bank account every week? since i got my first pay and it holiday (a paid one lol) i decided to go to Westfield Queensgate Mall. i havent been there so im quite worried that i might board on wrong bus or get abducted by a young breath-taking korean guy. owh darn it... i wish the last one is true hahaha. so i drag kak atik and kak waznah ( both are very cute and amiable) to go with me. the place was heaven and there are a lot of shops that have discounts. i bought a lot of stuff but i kinda miss my shopping companion (you know who u r) i bought a green and light blue chiffon dress for 32 NZD. its a long dress with a light blue satin as the empire line. its kinda simple dress but its a good bargain since the real price before discount is 123 then ut down to 99 then down to 64 then down to 45 then 32 then had been grab by oresama (me)!!!!! should i post the picture here?

insomaniac!!!

im hungry and i cant sleep... seriously, i think i will be insomaniac due to lack of sleep and huge load of work and food craving.
SLEEP: since i work with adorable Beris and her grandson James at Majestic Centre, i cant sleep at night. which is weird as exhaustion leads to sleepiness. i am exhausted after doing all work but i cant sleep. waegurreseyo? what is wrong with my body ?
WORK: its a nice place to work, a lot of wealthy gentleman and gentlelady to eye on. the way they dress is killing me... gosh so prim and proper and high class too. i wish i had heaps of money like them. they are very kind to the worker(me) and not being racist despite the fact that im wearing headscarf to work. instead they had been constantly asking about it and commenting on how nice it look on me (hahahaha) the pay is good and i think it will be enough to support me (hurm habis gak duit aku sbb BERSATU GAME ngan mkn kat luar).
FOOD CRAVING: im not hungry... na mido! but i cant stop eating... my stomach growl like mad wolf every three hours... since im not sleeping at night my stomach will growl and growl which force me to go down and search franticly for something to eat. up to one point where i ate plain rice with dash of salt and carrot. owh i also had pickled chili. then i decide that this should stop. its not healthy to eat bap/chilji early in the morning (1-4 am). so i change the menu. i bought hup seng and griffin biscuit and whenever it growls i shut it up with 1 pot of tea and 6 biscuits. that should silence it for a while. hehehe such a genius.... dont you think so? ahhh here it goes again... shhhh i will feed u some biscuits...
HEALTH: i can feel every part of my body scream of pain... i sprained my ankle last 2 weeks and it is still swollen and hurt like hell. my back aches bcoz of all work that i did, my neck hurt for unknown reason ( might be because of my new habit~ cracking my neck) and my heart hurts huhuhu....


ahhh ill edit this later.

What went wrong?

have you ever feels that you have done your best, try 99 times like Thomas Edison, put all your heart in it, and contribute more than 100 percent of hard work on one particular event or thing? when you are walking towards the end, closer to the finishing line where someone is holding the result. You hold up your breath, crossing your fingers and put your hope way up high. Why?. simply because you trusts that you had done beyond the best that you could and the result should be great or at least equivalent to what you had contributed. then you arrives at the finishing line and your hope crashed, shattered just like that. you start to wonder. what went wrong? is it not enough? where goes all my hard work? am i not putting enough heart in it? tonnes of self-feedbacks questions had been asked. after a moment of depressing thought, you start to reassure yourself. its okay! Kancana-yo! this is just a beginning. you are now walking towards the successful life of your own. you have not achieve the Thomas Edison level yet. you have not create your own light bulb. not yet and you will one day!. you give yourself a pat on your back. Again you hold your self up, giving it all, start doing it early with extra push and committed with it. on the day you arrive at finishing line again... depress does conquer. the same result. What went wrong? the only question come to your mind. your motivation gradually degrading and you had a weird thought of seeking help from a councellor or motivator. all of sudden you saw your friends result. she's better than you despite the fact that she's doing a very last minute work and doesn't do a lot of research like you did. a pang of jealousy hit right in your heart. your friend become so small and you feels like ripping her brain off. what went wrong? why she is better than me? she doesn't even try hard. you give another try and same situation arise. what went wrong? you scream out of devastation. tears started to well up and slowly trickle down the brink of your eyes which later turns into a flood. you need someone. someone you can borrow their shoulder and pour everything out. however no one is there to lend you their shoulder. instead you feels like people are judging you, talking behind you back and telling that you are not working hard. you are somehow afraid to face the reality. afraid that you will be a loser. a big fat loser. now your motivation is going down again but it drags your self esteem too. together they are like Titanic sinking into the deep blue sea. now you are hapless.
praying hard for miracle to happen, hoping the result will somehow better...