redpickledpossum

2009-02-22T19:13:00.001-08:00

kdg2 pelik jugak manusia ni... dlm seminit je bleyh jadi orang lain...

sekejap nampak mcm angel

seminit lepas tuh bleyh jd akuma

lepas tuh jd naive gila

tak paham sungguh aku...

beyond rudeness

2009-02-09T05:08:00.000-08:00

yesterday, i was working in library for the closing shift. as usual when its 5.00pm we have to remind the customer that the library is going to be closed at 5.30. so in half an hour, we have to collect books on table on every assigned level, check the bathroom, sutherland room and also switch off all lights. then, 15 mins before the lib closed we have to remind the user especially at the computer area. we are required to remind them at least twice in a very polite manner. for some reason, i always been assigned to do level 2 where the computer area is in. that is my job as a part time student assistant in the library. however, i was so appall by the reaction that we got from one of the customer. it was already 5.30pm and my workmate walk towards the man who is still watching a video of woman boxing on youtube. below are the dialog that they had. WM = workmate, ogre = the "super-polite" man, Lady C = my other work mate, Lady E = the permanent worker, Man J = the other permenent worker, Me= obviously thats moi!

WM: (smile politely as she always does) excuse me sir, its already 5.30 and we are about to close the libr...

Ogre: huh! what did u say i dont understand your english

WM: (still smiling thinking that ogre really have a hard hearing) we closing now its alr......

Ogre: i know! (with loud voice) why you keep harrassing me. i know when i should go

WM: (super embaress) im sorry sir but its already closing time

Ogre: (put both his hand covering his ears and say i'm not listening to you i dont understand your english. go and do something with your english

Lady C who was at the scene shake her head few times appall by the rudeness. in her heart she tought

Lady C: how can he be that rude! thats not the way to treat lady!

Lady C marched to the ogre with an intention of calming him. WM at that time was red with shame and tears starts to form at the dam of her eyes.

Lady C: sir, we are just doing our job. we are not harressing you. im so sorry

Ogre: (stands up and still in loud voice) do you need to come and tell me to leave every five minutes. this is unacceptable. im not coming here so that you can ask me to leave.

Lady C: but sir you have to understand that we just doing our job. the job says that i need to remind the customer that its already time to close the library.

Ogre being so damn hard to pleased just reapeting himself about we harrasing him and intimidating him while WM walk away with frustration drawn on her face and said out loud

WM: WUTEVA

ogre still continues his fruitless fight with lady C when me come to the scene a bit shocked by the loud voices.

Ogre: if you keep telling me im not going to go out form this library.
i might stay here even it is time to go.

Lady C: we are just doing our job. we were told to lock the library at 5.30pm. its not our fault

Ogre: im going to bring this up to management

Lady C: go on, im not scared im just doing my job and we are talk politely just now but you being impossible

at that time both of them were facing each other and nearly got into fist fight. im standing like 10 feet away, thinking of every possible thing that could happen if i interfere and if i dont)

they still in the middle of fruitless mouth fight however the ogre starts to make his move out of the computer area. he went past me and his mouth still busy.

Ogre: ....worst library i dont understand what she said terible english bla bla bla

me: ceh bodo punya orang kurang hajau macam bagus sangat gila ka sewel (actually feels good to curse people in language they really dont understand. I wonder if i curse in english will he understand my English?)

then i went to calm Lady C and see if shes okay.

(i actually have a flight to catch so to be continue soon)

me and gommii

2008-11-12T03:11:00.000-08:00

(credit: syaza)

for those who miss me and my wild hair
miss me no more.....

my everything S2 S2~~~

2008-10-07T03:40:00.000-07:00

You are my everything
넌 나의 모든것이야.

Nothing your love won’t bring
너의 사랑은 모든걸 가져다 줘

My life is yours alone
내 삶은 오직 너의 것이야.

The only love I’ve ever known
오직 내가 알아왔던 단하나의 사랑

Your spirit pulls me through
다른 그 무엇과도 다르게

When nothing else will do
너의 영혼은 나를 끌어당기지

Every night I pray

매일밤
On bended knee

무릎을 꿇고 기도해
That you will always be
니가 나의 모든것이
My everything
되어달라고

raya oh raya

2008-09-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

YA TUHAN BILA LA PARCEL MAK AKU NAK SAMPAI!!!!!

KU MAU BAJU RAYA.....

RUGI LA BUAT RUMAH TERBUKA KLAU TAK PAKAI BJU KURUNG

OWH TIDAK HORROR!!!!!!!!!!

HURMMM SAPA TAU KAT MANA BLEYH BLI MERCUN....

SAPA YG BRANI SELUDUP MERCUN G nz SILA LAKUKANNYA

SAYA REDPICKLEDPOSSUM MENYOKONG ANDA..........

~nasib baik aku bli bju baru... hilang ralat nak pakai bju kurung masa raya... at least my gorgeous dress from evolution bleyh cover perasaan ku ini

when pickled possum meet Mr Kim

2008-09-09T17:21:00.000-07:00

its been a long time... I have a lot of thought of what to write in my blog... but 24 hours per day is not enough..hehhehe... ive been busy lately.... however today...I met Mr Kim early in the morning and im darn happy so let me tell you what happen. I met Mr Kim at quad.. he was waiting for his class to start...same with me wink~~~ we had our little chat. then evil thought *poof* appear on my mind. I start telling him about me fasting today and tell him that I am going to invite him for Hari Raya celebration. He seems so happy about it (his face glows i tell ya) then i tell him that he needs to bring a flower basket, foods that he cooks and also 'duit raya' worth of 20 dolars for me and my flatmates. Then he ask why 20 dolars. I reply "owh 20 is the minimum money that we usually get. My frens used to give me like 50 and my parents always give me more than hundred (its a lie)" then he said " great,txt me like a week before so i can prepare myself and everything that i need to bring" [me laughing inside like mad; hahaha mr kim yg comel tertipu jua kau]after a while, i suddenly remember that i'm fasting and i should not lie or play trick on people (berdosa tuh).then i give him a cute laugh and said that im just kidding ~~ the end.....

at 12.30 i was spazzing on the LLC's net then my fren told me that xanadu is already out. so she help me to find that clip which heechul was in. it is called "don't walk away" and heechul as Sonny is friggin cute... another cute MR KIM.... he sang the whole song and at the middle part somthing happen. there is a scene where he need to pull Kira and ask her not to leave him while singing. unfortunately, he accidentally pulled Kira's rollerskate. i wish i was at home so i can gelak golek2 at their facial expression at that time. both did not expect such thing will happen. heechul actually laugh a lil bit at that part. Heechul being witty and cool continue singing while holding the roller skate as if it is part of the musical. he looks so cute doing that.... ~~ the end

both Mr Kim made pickled possum happy.....~~ the end

OVERDOSE

2008-08-06T04:28:00.001-07:00

aint they cute hot sizzling ????
gahhhhh when will i stop goo goo gaa gaas ovr them
OVERDOSE........

PS: I HATE YOUTUBE!!!! AND WOOSH!!!

way of love

2008-08-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

Throw away the hypocritic honor and sing of
the many joys that love gives.
I run and shout with the craziness of my love.
Even if I go crazy in this life I have to endure,
even if I feel trapped and worn, I can win
everything with joy with our love secured in my heart.

Don't think that it's hard. I look at you too.
It's just a little stubbornness that's hidden my heart, that's all.

Don't be weary, be strong.
If you come a little closer you'll be able to feel me.
Hold me with deep feelings.
Please love with all of your heart.

Somewhere I can hear a love song,
let's let our bodies be taken away with the waves of joy.
It is us, anyway, who decides the value.
You, me, You and I, we become one alone together.
Everything in my heart says it's going to
the ends of life over there,
to the end where we met together.
I'm burying myself there
and leaving everything there
to love you with joy.

Tell me carefully that you really do love me.
Tell me just once more, the sweetness of it makes me dizzy.
If it's just too hard to handle, then shut your eyes tightly
and come running towards me.
You're everything to me, too.
Love me.

tribute to my HEECHUL

xoxoxoxoxoxoox

The craving child

2008-08-04T02:43:00.001-07:00

Sweets, candy floss,
Lollipop, marshmallow,
Teasing my bud,
My stomach overflow,
The saliva streams like Niagara.
As I stare at the giant candy bar.

I cannot hold onto myself,
Enormous fudge sits on a shelf,
The monster inside swelling revenge,
For months enrolled in a diet change,

But I cannot shop at Baskin-Robbins,
Though I die screaming "ICE CREAM ! "
Mum say it is bad for me,
and I will say they taste yummy.

I am not fat like Mr McCoy,
I am just a little toothless girl.

*sweets for sweet girl*

yeah! super junior going international

2008-08-04T02:35:00.000-07:00

Interview with MTV

NEWS FIRST - Super Junior: Nothing Junior About This Super Band

August 02, 2008

1, 2, 3… 13?

Thirteen of the hottest, most talented boys in Asia under one single band? No way! But it’s true, alright. And they’ve been setting about wrecking havoc in all the young girls’ hearts from day one. Meet Super Junior, one of Korea’s leading boy bands and heartthrobs, every single gorgeous one of them.

Bursting onto the K-pop scene in 2005, the then 12 member band released their first album, Super Junior05 (Twins), which met with a warm reception. Their first single “U,” a catchy R&B ditty quickly took the charts by storm, sweeping many an award, and cementing Super Junior as one of the rising names to look out for.

Kyuhyun was then added to this rambunctious band of brothers in 2006, and 12 became the magical 13. In 2007, the band launched their sophomore effort, Don’t Don. The album did extremely well, and was among the top Korean albums of the year.

Now, MTV Asia brings you a much-envied tete a tet session with the delectable boys. Just six of them, but who’s complaining? Leeteuk, Eunhyuk, Siwon, Sungmin, Donghae and Kyuhyun get set to share what love means to them, how to avoid getting recognized, and some of their weird habits.

NEWS SECOND - Super Junior Charms And Sizzles, Jared Is A Video Star!
August 02, 2008

Korea is a land of stars! To quote Karen, “It’s the land that gave us Rain, BoA and addictive TV drama serials.” Continuing the Korean tradition, pop sensation Super Junior has been sweeping Asia by storm! And the 11-member (two of the members couldn’t make it to the show) strong pop outfit has all the goods to prove their worth at the MTV Asia Awards!With a sleek all-black military look, the super cute (sorry, we can’t help it) Korean boys serenaded the 3000-strong screaming girls and boys (ahh, mutual admiration!) with the groovy ballad “Happiness.” Smooth romantic vibes were felt so strongly that autumn leaves or winter snow could have been falling from the sky (or rooftop for the party poopers) inside the Arena Of Stars. We are not kidding!
And before anyone could recover from that heartrending moment, the boys launched into the energetic fast number titled “Thirst.” And talk about heart-thumping! Their sizzling, hot dance moves incited waves and waves of screams. It’s almost like the girls have never seen such greatness on stage before!

“What’s up, Malaysia! Make some noise!” said Malaysia’s Joe Flizzow (Too Phat). Together with Jaclyn Victor (the first winner of Malaysian Idol), Joe presented the Favourite Artist Of Indonesia award that went out to Yovie & Nuno. The Favourite Artist Of Taiwan was also presented to Show Lo. Ever the filial guy, Show not only thanked his fans, but his dad and mum as well.

the interviews :

Welcome to the MAAs as first time nominees of Favorite Artist of Korea! The theme surrounding this year’s MAAs revolves around the letter ‘M.’ What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the letter ‘M?’
Siwon: Super Junior – M!
Leeteuk: Music! MTV! Man!You’ve always had radical hairstyles and outfits. With the constant changing of image, what is the real Super Junior like?
Eunhyuk: The hairstyles and outfits have ranged from cute to wild. But we’re more colorful and are much more multi-faceted in personality and character than that.

Having said that, your new album is a remarkable departure from the bubbly image of your first. What are some of your thoughts on this change?
Leeteuk: The first album portrayed us as more boyish and adorable. As for the second album, we have grown up a little more, and so this is us in a more manly sight.

Right now there seems to be quite a large number of Korean boy bands coming, and they’re mostly all going down the K-pop and ballad route. So how do you distinguish yourselves from them musically?
Leeteuk: Well first and foremost, we have 13 members. So that’s already a huge difference, and a memorable one to boot. And each and every one of our members has a different and unique voice. Aside from that, we also do other stuff like acting and DJing. So we have a more well-rounded portfolio.

Speaking of which, I think one of your most memorable shows has got to be Full House, the home-stay chronicle with Anya and Eva. I’m sure a lot of us are curious to know how that came about, and whether Super Junior is planning to open their home in future again.
Leeteuk: The Full House experience was a very moving and rewarding one. We learned a lot from it, and we’re also really glad that we’ve been able to share a bit of the Korean culture with our foreign friends. If there’s ever the opportunity, we’ld definitely like to be doing this again.

Erm..Well actually I didn’t think of that but now…Let’s just move on, eh? With 13 people in a band, the leader (Leeteuk) is usually the one who’s the main spokesperson. And some of the members are also more outspoken than others. So in that case, how do all the members get equal representation in the band?
Eunhyuk: Well, each of us have our own talent and contribution to the band. Kyuhyun is vocally powerful, Sungmin is our poster boy of cuteness, Donghae is a good dancer.
Donghae: Shiwon has the global face, and Euhyuk is known for his rapping. So in a way, we all get a fair share of showing what we’re good at.

What about the younger ones then? Donghae, Sungmin and Kyuhyun. Do they get bullied all the time?
Leeteuk: Yes. It’s mostly what they’re there for! [Laughs]

Living and touring together all the time, what are some of the weirdest habits of some of the members?
Siwon: Every time I go on a holiday, I always carry the most bags.
Sungmin: He brings almost everything possible, and he organizes them neatly.
Leeteuk: So if we need exercise equipment, or even some kind of medicine, we’ll just go to him. He’s the best possible roommate to have.
Siwon: We always have some kind of a bet to see which roommate we’ll get.

You’ve been on the tour the past couple of months for the Super Show. Why isn’t Singapore one of your stops?
Leeteuk: Well yeah, we’ve actually been going to a lot of other places in Asia. We did the first show in Thailand, and we’re planning nine more stops. We’d actually have loved to make a stop at Singapore. Why haven’t you called us?!

Ahhh I see. Our bad. Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to speak to my boss about it.
Super Junior: YEAH!!!

A lot of your songs talk about love. What exactly does it mean to you, anyway?
Kyuhyun: Love is sweet.
Sungmin: I haven’t really known what love is all about actually.
aww soon soon
Leeteuk: Love is being lovesick.
Oh dear. Why so negative?
Leeteuk: I haven’t had very good experiences with it. [Laughs]
Oops okay I’m sorry!
Donghae: Love is romantic.
Siwon: Love is patient.

Finally, tell us a little-known fact about Super Junior.
Eunhyuk: Well, in all our reality TV shows we are usually very honest about ourselves, and so our fans know most everything about us.
Leeteuk: Even to the point of knowing about Eunhyuk’s smelly feet. [Laughs]
Eunhyuk: No! No!

Alright, I believe you, I do! Thanks, boys, for talking to me. Good luck! And bye!

* The bold texts are from the interviewer

**Credit to MTVasiaawards.com

———————————————————–

Interview with K-Popped, the Malaysian Fanblog

Looking absolutely spiffy in their black suits, Super Junior fielded questions from the press, including from K-popped!

How does it feel like to be a nominee at the 2008 MTV Asia Awards?
Eeteuk: I’d like to thank everyone for inviting us to the MTV Asia Awards. As a representative of the Favourite Korean Artist Award, we will give our best performance tomorrow night.

You just had a concert in Thailand last month, how do you feel about it?
Eeteuk: We would like to thank our fans for showing up at the concert and for their love and support.

When you were singing (at the concert), why were some of you crying?

Eeteuk: Even though they didn’t know the language, all the fans sang along to the words – they knew the lyrics. We were touched.

I hear that not all 13 members will be here for tomorrow’s show. Who isn’t here and why?
Eeteuk: Kangin and Shindong are not here now, but they are on the way; Hankyung is participating in the Beijing Olympics ceremony so he can’t make it and Kibum is shooting a drama series in Korea.

Is Super Junior returning to Malaysia for the Super Show concert?
Eeteuk: We will definitely be stopping by Malaysia for this tour and we would like to thank you for welcoming us each time. We would definitely come.

All of you are so well-dressed today, how did you think up of the look?
Eeteuk: Our stylist picked out our clothes today.

What is the strangest Korean dish that you would recommend a courageous person to try?
Eunhyuk: There are a lot of Korean food such as kimchi and bulgogi but we would recommend Samgyeopsal, a pork belly soup dish which we highly recommend. When you come to Korea, just go: samgyeopsal juseyo = “samgyeopsal please”

*nisrin says owhhh damn cute!!!!*

Last time you came to Malaysia for a photoshoot and as a guest artiste for DBSK. Do you remember any Malay words that you have learned?
(Randomly from the boys) Terima kasih…Apa khabar? (Thank you and How are you? respectively).

As a successful Korean band, did you have to sacrifice a lot to get to where you are today?
Eeteuk: First of all, we have to give up having a girlfriend. By giving up having a girlfriend, we now have so many “girlfriends” all across Asia (steps up and points to all the ladies in the room, and laughs)
Will you make another music video in Malaysia again?
Eeteuk: We shot an MV in Kuala Lumpur and it turned out to be the best video we’ve ever shot. If we ever get a chance, we would come back to shoot another MV.

**Credit to k-popped

———————————————-

THEIR SPEECH WHEN RECEIVE AWARD

teukie: thank you…we are super junior..
siwonnie: ah thank you.. i would like to say ah thank you very much for all your love and support. none of this is possible without you all…
oh…(paused for a while-heenim and teukie are smiling) i wanna thank mr.soo man lee our producer and mr. young min kim our president.. he’s like our superman.. thank you.. and our staff-sm staff our families and friends.. in our hearts thanks ELF.. we love you all for ever and ever. thank you…
teukie: thank you…we are super junior.. thank you..

Credit to pirncessrella@soompi

Wooow, Siwon’s English is better than Rain hahahhaha... im barfing whenever i watch the clip. dont speak English if you dont understand... that is what your translator for...

hope and hopeless

2008-08-04T02:07:00.000-07:00

my plan often backfired....
my wish never come true
my expectation is never be part of reality
it sounds perfect at first but towards the end it shattered like a breakable glass heart.

but the feeling of eagerly waiting for something, expecting something unusual, romantic and surprising will happen often kill me. funny. even though the lil me inside told to stop hoping, i cant. although i am pretty damn sure that it wont happen, i can't stop feasting on the ideas in my head.

hoping is what i do to keep on living. if i stop hoping....i will die....in pain and sufferings.

even it is hurt when my plan backfired
even my heart bleeding when wishes never come true
even the pain is unbearable when everything is not up to what i expect
i will stop hoping
coz hope is the cure.........

im hopelessly hoping for a surprise birthday celebration, success, love, friendship, health and a great future with loads of money to burn....

KKKYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

2008-08-04T02:03:00.000-07:00

i love ...
I love it...

owh yeah my fav month

AUGUST!!!!!!!!!

love it like it....

and

start you wishlist

NOW!!

~alone in the rain~

2008-07-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

ticking of clock in empty room
noise of the rain kissing the roof
wearing that coat for the first time
in a while
a ring in the pocket
memory seeps through the fingers
coming out into Seoul's night
it's been some days
puddle becomes a small mirror
in that i stumble along
because it hurts
without you
i'm like a chair with an odd leg
umbrella that was small for two of us
that seemed like an island in a cold world
it's now too big and awkward
my left shoulder always used to be drenched
burdened by memory
i drop my head
there
Shoelaces are undone as if they're chucked away
but there's only rain and wind around
no one to hold the umbrella up for me
and I cry~~~
my ankles start to sink in the rain
my eyes start to sink in tears
i once held back
i cry~~~
you are an umbrella over my head
night with cold rain dripping on my shoulder
you being beside me became a habit of mine
i can't go on without you
alone in the rain
puddles of heaven's tears on the ground
moon that shines through star covering clouds
lonesome noises from shoes along the alley
i turned around
anxious
it was only an echo of mine
shadow that looked just like myself
we couldnt see each other
us
Are we separated, at last?
I draw an answer
drawing in mind
and the answer, I smudge them
Umbrella that was too big in my eyes
that unfolded from the world that made me cry
that blossomed with everlasting promise
now
it's torn up above two broken hearts
you'd never be there even if i turn around
my hand would be deep in my pockets
wherever i freely walk around
my cheeks
will soak up too easily
even in a drizzle
i've opened up
the door to my heart
you are an umbrella above my head
your shadow is my shade
you are an umbrella above my head
as you are no longer beside me
you used to wait outside my window
with an umbrella
i Cry
you being beside me
became a habit of mine
i cant go on without you
alone in the rain
I need you back in my life
without you beside me
the world is only a half
you cant go on without me
forever in the rain

CLOCK

2008-07-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

the hand of a clock winds towards the right
people walks forwards
just because you wind the hands to the left
walk backwards....
doesn't make the things that happened in the past return
even knowing that
just once~~
i try winding the hand to the left
try walking backwards

even knowing that it's futile....

false alarm

2008-07-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

my body is sending a false alarm to my brain every 3 hours!!!!!

it says "eat! you are so skinny. its winter u need lots of fat to keep u warm. eat please eat!!!"

hahahahah today i didnt eat any breakfast. therefore my brain receive another false alarm saying that i need to double up what i eat during lunch. being so naive, i agree with what my brain received, so i eat curry mee (someone belanja me coz me win the bet) and rice with chicken rendang and tiramisu cake. gosh no wonder you r so damn skinny!!!

decided not to edit the last post

2008-06-02T07:21:00.000-07:00

hehehe... change my mind again... hurm today is Queen's borthday, so i get 1 paid holiday. it is not fun lying around and not going to work. i love work. working to me is like a candy... look hard but it will sweeten your life. hhaahaa... what is more sweeter than having your own money that going into your bank account every week? since i got my first pay and it holiday (a paid one lol) i decided to go to Westfield Queensgate Mall. i havent been there so im quite worried that i might board on wrong bus or get abducted by a young breath-taking korean guy. owh darn it... i wish the last one is true hahaha. so i drag kak atik and kak waznah ( both are very cute and amiable) to go with me. the place was heaven and there are a lot of shops that have discounts. i bought a lot of stuff but i kinda miss my shopping companion (you know who u r) i bought a green and light blue chiffon dress for 32 NZD. its a long dress with a light blue satin as the empire line. its kinda simple dress but its a good bargain since the real price before discount is 123 then ut down to 99 then down to 64 then down to 45 then 32 then had been grab by oresama (me)!!!!! should i post the picture here?

insomaniac!!!

2008-05-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

im hungry and i cant sleep... seriously, i think i will be insomaniac due to lack of sleep and huge load of work and food craving.
SLEEP: since i work with adorable Beris and her grandson James at Majestic Centre, i cant sleep at night. which is weird as exhaustion leads to sleepiness. i am exhausted after doing all work but i cant sleep. waegurreseyo? what is wrong with my body ?
WORK: its a nice place to work, a lot of wealthy gentleman and gentlelady to eye on. the way they dress is killing me... gosh so prim and proper and high class too. i wish i had heaps of money like them. they are very kind to the worker(me) and not being racist despite the fact that im wearing headscarf to work. instead they had been constantly asking about it and commenting on how nice it look on me (hahahaha) the pay is good and i think it will be enough to support me (hurm habis gak duit aku sbb BERSATU GAME ngan mkn kat luar).
FOOD CRAVING: im not hungry... na mido! but i cant stop eating... my stomach growl like mad wolf every three hours... since im not sleeping at night my stomach will growl and growl which force me to go down and search franticly for something to eat. up to one point where i ate plain rice with dash of salt and carrot. owh i also had pickled chili. then i decide that this should stop. its not healthy to eat bap/chilji early in the morning (1-4 am). so i change the menu. i bought hup seng and griffin biscuit and whenever it growls i shut it up with 1 pot of tea and 6 biscuits. that should silence it for a while. hehehe such a genius.... dont you think so? ahhh here it goes again... shhhh i will feed u some biscuits...
HEALTH: i can feel every part of my body scream of pain... i sprained my ankle last 2 weeks and it is still swollen and hurt like hell. my back aches bcoz of all work that i did, my neck hurt for unknown reason ( might be because of my new habit~ cracking my neck) and my heart hurts huhuhu....

ahhh ill edit this later.

What went wrong?

2008-05-09T05:11:00.000-07:00

have you ever feels that you have done your best, try 99 times like Thomas Edison, put all your heart in it, and contribute more than 100 percent of hard work on one particular event or thing? when you are walking towards the end, closer to the finishing line where someone is holding the result. You hold up your breath, crossing your fingers and put your hope way up high. Why?. simply because you trusts that you had done beyond the best that you could and the result should be great or at least equivalent to what you had contributed. then you arrives at the finishing line and your hope crashed, shattered just like that. you start to wonder. what went wrong? is it not enough? where goes all my hard work? am i not putting enough heart in it? tonnes of self-feedbacks questions had been asked. after a moment of depressing thought, you start to reassure yourself. its okay! Kancana-yo! this is just a beginning. you are now walking towards the successful life of your own. you have not achieve the Thomas Edison level yet. you have not create your own light bulb. not yet and you will one day!. you give yourself a pat on your back. Again you hold your self up, giving it all, start doing it early with extra push and committed with it. on the day you arrive at finishing line again... depress does conquer. the same result. What went wrong? the only question come to your mind. your motivation gradually degrading and you had a weird thought of seeking help from a councellor or motivator. all of sudden you saw your friends result. she's better than you despite the fact that she's doing a very last minute work and doesn't do a lot of research like you did. a pang of jealousy hit right in your heart. your friend become so small and you feels like ripping her brain off. what went wrong? why she is better than me? she doesn't even try hard. you give another try and same situation arise. what went wrong? you scream out of devastation. tears started to well up and slowly trickle down the brink of your eyes which later turns into a flood. you need someone. someone you can borrow their shoulder and pour everything out. however no one is there to lend you their shoulder. instead you feels like people are judging you, talking behind you back and telling that you are not working hard. you are somehow afraid to face the reality. afraid that you will be a loser. a big fat loser. now your motivation is going down again but it drags your self esteem too. together they are like Titanic sinking into the deep blue sea. now you are hapless.
praying hard for miracle to happen, hoping the result will somehow better...

2008-04-27T17:36:00.000-07:00

my mom once said that my ultimate problem in this world is friend. According to her observation, i always encounter problem either being incompatible with my friends, feeling lost and unwanted or solely follow what my friends ask me to do.... hurm what life anyway if its not this complicated (hong gil dong, 2008)... however, it is quite surprising to know that i am not invincible like i used to think and i have quite a number of friends who love me who notice everything that i do or lack of. they make me happy and drag me back on track when i go overboard. they dare tell me that i have pieces of chilli stuck between teeth so i won't embarrass myself further. i came to realize when my friend told me she miss me so dearly and actually remember what we did together in IPBA. she is not someone that share heart-2-heart stuff with me instead she always teased me back in ipba, she acts like she doesnt care, sometime acts like i really get on her nerves which left me clueless and feeling guilty. she love doing that... trust me... she enjoys doing that. i'm quite surprised when she wrote me an e-letter, pouring her feelings about me. this is what she wrote:

Nisrin,

Don’t be surprised… yes… you are on the list! Haha…..

I know we didn’t really have those ‘heart to heart’ thingy, but I have always enjoyed your company. I will never forget the times when we ate at Scud, going to Midvalley for movies and all the times we spent talking, although most of the things that we talked about revolved around DBSK, Super Junior, Big Bang and those other Korean artists.. haha… Thanks for sharing and constantly updating me…

P/S: I haven’t really wish you happy birthday for your birthday last year right? So, Happy Birthday! Hope you’re always fine in New Zealand!

sweet isn't it? that e-letter made me cry for more than 30 mins. eyes all red and i got eye-bags the next day. how dreadful hahaha..... i cry again when she claimed that i'm her anti-lonely/homesick agent... she even change her status and said that she miss me.... how sweet...and at that moment i know that i have friends that i can count on... same with zulee, my babe. Never once cross in my mind that she will call me and cried for 5 mins just to tell how dearly she miss me...and i was so happy that i suddenly clueless and don't know how to act...either cry or laugh or i dont know... there is no action or words that suitable to describe how i feel about them... they are beyond all the feelings that normal people usually have. saying i miss them seems so lowly and inadequate to describe it. owh not to forget tasneem mohammad poyer, the coolest senior in entire universe. she act as my mummy, she always remind me to study, to do my work and lots of other stuff that i should be remind of... lets just say she is my guardian angel hahahahah fake walmart mummy i do love u... you know that aite? i hope you and daddy will be happy all the time.... i pray for your happiness...... luv you guys heaps

today is.... hapless

2008-04-25T21:40:00.000-07:00

when my sadness that is thin like a withered flower,
cannot fall asleep because of these tangled years,
i cling to the rough sigh
that would eat deep into my heart,
if i collected tears of a thousand years,
would it be enough to show my heart,
at the end of the sky
the sunset glow has left
today again i linger on...

as the frail sunshine of early dawn,
is woken up by its last night's dream,
my gloomy dreams of yesterday,
disappear into the legend
if i collected wishes of a thousand years
would it be enough to show my heart
at the end of the field
the sunshine has left
leaving me to linger on...

as the low wind wandering alone
loses its way
breathing hard
i ease my sorrow in this world
with the raindrops of noon
if i collected love of a thousand years
would it be enough to show my heart
at the end of the sky
the moonlight is sleeping
today, again i linger on...

if i collected longings of a thousand years
would it be enough to show my heart
at the end of the field
the rising sun is shining
today again i linger on

today, again i board on emotion roller coaster.... the urge to scream my heart out and crying and cursing is beating inside. still cant figure out whats wrong... somehow i will let it linger in me until i finish my assignment... i just realized that it help me to stay focus hehehe... plus i need my personal time to study as the exam timetable is already out... i have exam on 11 and 19 of June... do i still have time to study... hehehhe.... maybe i should let stay forever on that rollercoaster having my personal time... eating at seoul house, spazzing on heechul, being a couch potato..... will i able to excel in exam if i continue my life like this...i doubt that... like mr Kim Su Il said... "You ... terrible...terrible student! you work hard...read book dont waste money!" hahaha....
i miss my family, my babe (zulee), fake-mummy (tazzy), my best frens laney and aizat..., kae, hanin, adlina, mira, and of course fake daddy (kevin J. poyer)

owh yeah..korea!!

2008-04-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

noori was so nice...... hurm i wonder.... will i be able to see kangin or heechul if i stay at her house... gosh i didn't know that she had a big link/cable with korean entertainment people....OMG.... i love you noori..you are so sweet....

she had already met DBSK face to face and she said all of them are so gorgeous

2008-04-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

while always looking at your shadow
i chase you from behind
with an absurd dream
chasing after a futile delusion
now..
im tired of it
im putting absolute fullstop
period...

time is ticking... tic toc

2008-04-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

assignment... i dissed you!!!!

i havent started my assignment ... gosh... im freaking out right now...

darn,,, i should attempt the easy question... gah!! darn you pickledpossum and your craziness on koreans....

and...

dont you ever dare try to attempt question on sexuality and sinful....... you will be in asylum in no time honey.....

read my caps word DON'T TRY IT, YOU'LL DIE!!!

time is ticking.....tic toc babe!!!

2008-04-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

what 9 degree? cheomal? really? gosh no wonder i'm cocooning in my precious duvet all day... today is superbly cold... i cant feel my legs...always numb... but i cant blame it all on the cold weather... it might be due to fat substances clogging my blood vessels... hahaha what ever it is i'm happily cocooning in my duvet.... what else should i rambling on... my mum called just now demanding me to send her a letter or else she will not send me the new handbag... it a bit burden if you ask me as its hard to put feelings into words... feelings are subjective and abstract. then, my babe call all the way from uk... how i miss her... we always hang out together... always understand each other... she always there when i need comfort... we always do stupid things together and later she will drag me back on the track hahaha and she will always be my babe forever... majimak ... yaksok!promise!

unscratched compact disc

2008-04-15T04:54:00.000-07:00

getting obsess with napoleon dynamite... and no honey! its not napoleon dynamite the movie for god sake!!!! it is actually a new band with my cupcake-look-a-like-face. at first i really dissed that group... totally dissed them especially the look-a-like guy. i blame him since he get to publish a punk rock and roll album when it supposed to be heechul's. however, after listening to few songs they are one hell great band... seriously I'm not kidding.... ( okay maybe its a little~~ unacceptable since they are unaware of grammar mistake in their mv) ROTFLOL HAHAHAHAHA... ok this post is soooooo darn shit...imgoing to edit it out

crying out loud!!

2008-04-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

hecx! i am deadly amusingly bored to death!!! currently experimenting with the layout and still cant used the one with heechul's banner. so i wrote another mushy2 poem... wish i have a real person to dedicate this poem to.... like what Shakespeare said in sonnet 18

"So long lives this and this gives life to thee."

so long people read my poem and like it...this poem will bloom forever. therefore, if no one is going to embrace this poem, in no time this poem will be lifeless! capeesh! kaboom! nada! hahahah....i dont care... im so going to post this poem here right now hahaha so emotional....look heechul, what have you done to me??? im going crazy again..... ok cut the crap ~^^~

get ready to embrace my poem!!!

the blue sky met a red glow, creating a purple heartache,
and...
although the room was decorated in black to erase the memories...
i can't seem to erase the tears of regret
that i shed while looking upon that person

so that i wont show him my tears
so that he won't feel my lips tremble, trying to say "I love You"...

so that we won't part in this way

so that this sorrow-filled night continues on

..........that is what i yearn for...

pickledpossumfaintsduetolotsofpressure

2008-04-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

owh my god!!! what happen to him?? what freaking happening to him? have he lost his mind going around like that looking deranged and messy....????? but im melting right now....for once he look so different... no longer beautiful...just plainly, messily handsome creature.... its not a sin right for me to indulge myself with such a beautiful creature? everyone have their own craziness and mine is him................................................

counting my money and days...... sigh....when am i going to go there...????

today is depressed

2008-04-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

this is a tribute to me who failed to upload heechul's layout

black rain is falling
blue flower petals are fluttering
on the pure white river you appear
the darkness protects all things
my tears covers the fatigue
to the angel that killed you
i will whisper i love you...

(is your mother a baker? coz you are such a fine cupcakes with frothing icing)

red devilish me

2008-04-13T06:18:00.000-07:00

its late and im awake... LOL such lame way to start my first blog post.... what should i write then? How about what i did today... aside from watching dvds and online, of course.

today, i'm a bit depressed as I cant change the layout ... found one layout (with cheesy heechul's banner) but cant use it for some reason that i don even know... ##^%^^#@@$^&&*. anyway i went out with bunch of friends (didnt know them coz im just following N), eating at one fine Taiwanese eateries, lepakking and stuff. I guess my mum will be satisfied with this so call progress in my life) hahaha... then we went to mt Victoria...what a freaking beautiful scenery... what a shame i didn't bring my cammie with me.... sigh!..... however, im still madly happy on what happen last saturday night... koreans...just love them.... hahahha im crazzy aite~^^